I devised a new method of feeding ducks which I christened the Breadbomb. I’ll be utilising the Breadbomb from now on, whenever I have the opportunity to do so. It came about as there seem to be so few ducks doing the rounds - at least in comparison to the Norfolk broads - that you find you‘ve stockpiled a shit-load of bread in your hand. You were preparing for an onslaught of ducks but they never came. Eventually I became so frustrated by the lack of ducks that, when I finally found one, I would throw a handful of bread at it. Not to it… at it. I would launch this handful of bread at tremendous speed. Shock and awe. The poor little thing didn’t know what hit it. The breadbomb. Everyone’s a winner with a Breadbomb.
I suppose that’s all really. But here are a few small excerpts from my journal thingy, hot off the press:
- “I can’t shake the nagging fear that they might be planning on dropping a breezeblock or a trolley. Having said that, there have been no breezeblocks thrown onto our boat. No shopping trolleys either.”
- “It was the most depressing atmosphere I have ever eaten a bacon sandwich in.”
- “I instantly recognised that it was a mistake and that, no matter what happened, I needed to get that tool back. The boy momentarily placed it on the ground and I felt a rush of euphoria as I realised that it was my moment to recover it. But I didn’t act on my urge quick enough and, before I knew it, the podgy little tyke had it back in his grasp. I’d blown it. And then I realised… the bicycle! If I stood by the bicycle I’d have some insurance - if the little git tried something clever I’d nick his bike. Whether or not I‘d actually have gone through with it, I don‘t know... Fortunately he too made a mistake, placing the tool on the ground for a second time. I knew there wouldn’t be a third, so I pounced on it. The tool was safely back in my hand. But he wasn’t prepared to give up on it… and so I found myself grappling with a child over a spanner.”
- “The only pub nearby is a Harvester - which is disappointing in itself.”
It was a good holiday.